Have you ever had those moments where you are wondering if there's something wrong or if it's just in your head? For the past few months, I've been struggling to find the energy and motivation to much, including dishes, shopping for groceries, visiting nationals, doing language homework, and even running. What?! Why did I need to have a mental battle every time I thought about getting out to run? This was not like me at all!
Feeling guilty, and like a total loser, I kept forcing myself to keep moving. My pride refused to let me be weak. What would people think if I stepped back a little and slowed down? Surely they would chalk it up to me not adjusting well or not having a schedule like I had been used to. I wrestled with thoughts of how I could just push through it, but I was soooo tired and frustrated. This is when satan's voice became louder. He kept telling me I wasn't cut out for this, I was worthless, people were looking down on me, I was going to fail here, and there will be no end to the exhaustion.
Realizing the lies that were creeping in, I musteried the courage to bring it up at our women's study and admitted that I needed prayer. Within an hour of mentioning it, a group of four women were marching me to the pharmacy for parasite meds. Next I was getting advice to go get blood work, and within a few weeks I had test results...and a much cleaner intestinal tract. =)
Apparently it is possible to get mono without kissing anyone, and stress can disrupt regulated hypothyoid issues. Praise the Lord that I am starting to feel a bit better, can enjoy a slower lifestyle for a while, and have a doctor at home that will help me adjust my medication. Though I am weak, He is strong!
1 comment:
Bless you Jenelle! Sorry to hear what you've had to face. Keep pressing on and thank you for sharing about His grace in the midst of it as He used other people in your life. Looking forward to seeing you soon! Keep up the good work! . . .And take time to rest too :o)
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